


Shopping can suck my dick

by Feliz_Navi_Stop



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: But you'll suffer with me, Crack, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Shopping Malls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 04:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19899994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feliz_Navi_Stop/pseuds/Feliz_Navi_Stop
Summary: Sam, Steve and Bucky go clothes shopping. Sam takes no responsibility for the collateral damage. ("Damn it, I told you this was a stupid idea, Steve!")





	Shopping can suck my dick

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely self indulgent nonsense based on this post: https://pin.it/t4nqlz7quwpjqi because I can't find the fricking original.

It was a rainy day in early July, perfect for sleeping in (which hadn't been an option, big thanks in part due to Doctor Doom, the bitch) and for SOME dumbass reason, Steve had decided Bucky needed new clothes.  
He guessed the same ol' same ol' black T and jeans was looking a little ratty, but whatever.

Anyway, since Sam was so "up on the times" and "knew what fashions were in style" (read: available while Stark was at a press conference) he was volunteered against his will to help things 1 and 2 on an errand run which, of course, included stopping at a thrift shop to get Bucky a new wardrobe.

Currently, Bucky could be heard rustling through his positively MASSIVE stack of mostly monochrome clothes behind the rusty blue door that had obviously seen better days. 

"Sam, I don't think these jeans were in the right section. They're too tight," Bucky groaned.

Sam sighed. Deeply. "Let's see them, Jimbo."

Bucky walked out of the fitting room scowling, and wearing an (admittedly) too tight pair of jeans.  
"I told you not to call me that. And see?" He gestured broadly at his ensemble, "too damn tight. Are you sure these aren't women's?"

"No, they aren't, they're just too small. They're unisex, Buck," Sam scowled.

Bucky grinned wolfishly, "Well, maybe you need sex, but I had it two days ago."

If looks could kill, the former assassin would've been in a coffin six feet under. "No, Bucky," Sam practically growled, "Unisex. U-N-I-sex."

"Well, I mean, if you really want to," Bucky said with a smirk on his face.

Before Sam could even open his mouth to respond, Steve came around the corner with an affronted "Excuse me?" index finger raised in what was quick to become "lecture mode" if something wasn't done, quickly.

"Relax, Stevie. It was just a joke," Bucky snickered.

Sam had, at some point during this exchange slammed his palm onto his face.  
"Why am I friends with you two idiots again?" was heard, muffled by his hand.

"Because my charms are irresistible," Bucky snarked.

"Yeah, about as irrisistable as the bathroom after Hulk takes a shit. And just for this, I'm not moving my seat up for you when we get back in the car," Sam deadpanned.

"Hey! It's not enough that you're making me sit in the back, you're gonna crowd me out too?!" Bucky almost pouted.

"Yes, I am" Sam said, completely unrepentant.

"Sam, be nice," Steve chided.

"I am. In fact, I'm being very nice. I was considering making him walk back to the tower, but decided against it," Sam sniffed.

"Sam-" 

"Listen, I'm gonna go check the shirt racks for something in a color besides brown, grey, black, or navy blue for the emo assassin to try on. Please, continue to go through the stack of clothes in there so that we can go soon. Preferably sometime in the next twenty years," Sam gestured to Bucky, cutting Steve off.

Bucky could be heard snickering as he shut the door behind him, and as Sam walked off, he mumbled something that might've been a muffled "Clothes shopping can suck my dick."

**Author's Note:**

> I lay all the blame for this on my friend who is an unrepentant enabler.


End file.
